Tag: lifestyle

Friendships

They are choosing you.

We are all guilty of neglecting friendships; not reaching out when we should, not making time for that coffee date, calling just to check on them…………………. you get the point! Fact is we get so caught up in our own roller coaster ride of life that we forget the value of those friendships sometimes.

I had an impromptu day date with a very dear friend the other day. Our time together was no different than any of the other we have. From the minute we see each other neither can stop talking. We have to catch each other up on what’s going on. Every date includes; eating, shopping and Starbucks!

I always leave feeling so much better and wondering why we both waited so long between each time. She is one of those friends that is always there no matter what, she always send the perfect message at the perfect time, loves me for who I am, and reaches out when she needs me for ANYTHING!

That night after a wonderful day with her, I text her as I normally do to thank her for the wonderful time I had, it was much needed and we need more of them. It made me think- what an honor it is for someone to choose me. If they text me, they are choosing to have a conversation with me. If they invite me to do something, they are choosing to spend time with me. Friends are people who choose you! They are not like my sister who does not have an option (lol).

Friends are those who lift you up, who are there to wipe the tears, laugh with, you can trust them, encourage you, they also bring out the best version of you. Friendships should not be hard! They should not drain your energy, show jealousy, criticize you, make you feel bad about who you are, do not respect your boundaries, are only there when they need you!

We all must learn to appreciate those relationships. It should be an honor to have them. I am the first to admit to not being the best friend. This is truly a weakness of mine that needs work. Today I challenge you to think about your relationship with your friends, what can you do to strengthen those relationships and show appreciation .

“Because of you, I laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more.“

you go first!

How to Make Yourself Happy: Choosing to Put Yourself First

For a long time, I thought that happiness was something I had to earn—something that came after checking off a long list of responsibilities, making sure everyone else was okay, and leaving myself for last. Sound familiar? If you’re a natural giver, caretaker, or just someone who’s used to putting others first, this might resonate with you.

But here’s the truth I had to learn the hard way: You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you keep showing up for everyone but yourself, eventually, you’ll burn out—and the happiness you’re chasing will feel further away than ever.

So how do you make yourself happy? It starts with one powerful decision: putting yourself first.

1. Recognize That You Deserve to Be a Priority

This isn’t about being selfish. It’s about self-respect. You deserve rest. You deserve joy. You deserve time to do the things that light you up. If you keep waiting for permission, you’ll never get it. Give it to yourself.

Ask: What would my life look like if I treated my needs as valid?

2. Learn to Say No (Without Guilt)

Saying no is one of the kindest things you can do—for yourself and for others. It means you’re honoring your energy and your limits. The guilt will come at first, but over time, you’ll realize how freeing it is to stop overextending yourself.

Start small. Say no to something minor today. Let it be uncomfortable. Then remind yourself: I am allowed to protect my peace.

3. Make Time for What Fills You Up

Happiness often lives in the small things: a slow morning, a walk in the sun, laughing with a friend, creating something just for fun. The trick is making time for these things, not just hoping they’ll happen.

Try scheduling “joy time” the way you would any other appointment. Put it on your calendar—and keep that promise to yourself.

4. Speak to Yourself Like Someone You Love

We are often our own harshest critics. But what if, instead, you became your biggest cheerleader? Practice speaking to yourself with kindness, encouragement, and patience. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present.

Affirm to yourself: I am worthy of love and happiness, just as I am.

5. Surround Yourself with What (and Who) Feels Good

Protect your space. That includes the people you allow in it. Notice how you feel after spending time with someone—do you feel lighter or drained? Energy doesn’t lie. Surround yourself with people who support your growth and reflect the love you’re learning to give yourself.

Decluttering your environment (physically and emotionally) creates space for peace and happiness to settle in.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Selfish—You’re Self-Aware

Choosing to put yourself first is not a betrayal of others; it’s a commitment to your own well-being. And the beautiful part? When you are full—of joy, energy, peace—you have so much more to give. But this time, it’s not from a place of obligation. It’s from overflow.

So go ahead. Take up space. Say yes to yourself. Make happiness a habit—not a destination.

You deserve to be happy, not just helpful.

Balance and Boundaries…

Balance and boundaries — two words we hear so often, yet they can feel so hard to achieve. In today’s fast-paced world, achieving balance and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential for overall well-being. Whether in our personal lives, work environments, or social interactions, finding that sweet spot between being available and protecting our own well-being is a constant process. But how do we find that balance, and how do we set boundaries that protect our mental, emotional, and physical health? I know this struggle well, and maybe you do too.

When Balance Slipped Away

As many of you may know I always choose a word at the beginning of the year. That is the word that I focus on throughout the year. A few years ago, something happened in the middle of the year that lead me to really stopping and analyzing myself and life. That is when these two words came to mind. I realized in the middle of a life storm, I had to make changes and these two words were going to be my focus.

Creating Balance Through Boundaries

When I began evaluating every area of my life, I found myself overwhelmed. I was making everyone happy but myself! When we spread ourselves too thin—whether by overcommitting to work, social obligations, or personal responsibilities—burnout becomes inevitable. On the other hand, neglecting important areas of life can lead to dissatisfaction and a sense of unfulfillment. Striving for balance allows us to allocate time and energy to all aspects of our lives in a way that nurtures both productivity and inner peace.

Achieving balance means assessing our priorities and making conscious choices about where we invest our time and energy. This could mean setting aside moments for relaxation, pursuing hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or ensuring that work doesn’t consume our entire day. Without balance, we risk falling into cycles of stress and exhaustion that can negatively impact both our personal and professional lives.

I remember sitting in a room late one night or rather early one morning tears streaming down my face not understanding how I had got to this point. Along with the other things that were happening. It was then and there that I knew I needed balance, and that started with boundaries.

What Are Boundaries, Really?

Boundaries are the limits we set to protect our time, energy, and emotional health. They help us show up more fully and intentionally in our relationships and responsibilities without losing ourselves in the process.

What areas of your life feel off-balance? Where do you feel resentment or exhaustion? That’s a signal a boundary may be needed. It is about saying yes to things that I use to say no to and saying no to somethings that I use to say yes to. Okay I know that sounds confusing but stop and think about it. We don’t have to be harsh when we say no. For me, a lot of times when I said yes, I was really not able to fully commit like I should because I was trying to give and do in so many places. Stop, slow down and focus for a minute. What are your top priorities in life? We don’t have to be “on call” all the time! Protecting yourself from toxic relationships or draining interactions is vital. Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and contribute positively to your life. It is okay to say no to some things and yes to those things and people that bring us joy. Let go of unnecessary obligations that drain you. Begin scheduling time in your week for some of the things that bring you joy; reading a book for 30 min a day or even just 15 min a day, get out those paint brushes, take a walk, wake up 30 minutes earlier for some me time, take a class in something you have always wanted to do, start marking things off your bucket list, schedule a date with a friend- and keep it!!! A balanced life starts with taking care of you!

When you start setting boundaries, something magical happens: your relationships deepen, your stress lessens, and you show up more fully in every area of life. It takes practice and patience, but the peace it brings is worth it. Finding balance and setting boundaries is an ongoing process. It requires self-awareness, intentional action, and the courage to protect your peace. When you establish clear boundaries and strive for balance in your daily life, you cultivate a sense of fulfillment, reduce stress, and create space for personal growth and happiness.

Final Thoughts

Remember, balance isn’t about perfection—it’s about making choices that align with your well-being. Prioritize yourself, set your boundaries, and embrace a life where you thrive, not just survive.

What boundaries have you set in your life? Where do you struggle with balance? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Vulnerable in the Valley…

Psalm 23:4 “Yea, though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

I know what many of you are thinking, this passage is usually associated with death. And while you may not be in the valley of the shadow of death right now, you may be in another valley. A place of scarcity, danger, pain or just the unknown. Most of the time when we are “in the valley” is when we begin to examine our self. It allows us to open up about our fears, hopes and dreams. In doing so, we learn that our struggles are universal. When we think about a valley, we think about a low point. Valleys in life are those low points; it could be just as I described above or even more defined as; relational, emotional, financially, or spiritually. Take a moment to think back when you were in a “valley” in the past. It didn’t last forever. If you are honest with yourself, you learned something from being in that valley or hard time in life. So remember, when you are in a valley, it doesn’t last forever and we should use that time to really dive in and reflect on what you are to gain (strengthen), change, and how you will grow from this time. This is not your first time here, and guess what, it will not be your last! But we can find comfort in knowing that no matter if we are on the mountaintop or in the valley, we are never alone.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ” My power is made perfect in weakness.”

To God, strength lies in acknowledging our weaknesses and embracing our vulnerability. I find it interesting that the word vulnerable derived from the Latin noun vulnus “wound”. Vulnerable can be viewed in several ways. To me, means you are honest with who you are, how you feel and acknowledging the parts of yourself that you would rather keep hidden. Also, a different perspective would be thinking about it in terms of being vulnerable before God, surrendering, knowing God is at work in our weaknesses.

I do believe we are placed in these valleys sometimes to gain strength. We can be encouraged knowing that God uses the valley to strengthen our faith and draw us closer to him. Change is another reason why I feel we are sometimes placed in the valley. Changing our perspective on situations, change jobs that are toxic, change relationships, changing us as an individual. It could be that there has been a change and we may not understand why but remember “when one door closes another opens”. Growth, think about this, would you plant your seeds on the mountaintop? Or would you plant them in the valley where there is water and nutrients in the soil? In the valley right, just as God is growing you in your valley.

Be your authentic self, it allows you to have a stronger sense of who you are. Be more focused, showing grace to yourself and other imperfections. Focusing on self-investment and personal development. While valleys may make us vulnerable, begin to look at them as an opportunity. Our work is really done in the valley. Most of the time the valley is better than the mountaintop.

Until next time, let us be reminded of the wise words Winston Churchill stated, ” Mountain tops inspire leaders but valleys mature them”.

Declutter your Everything!

Grab your coffee, hot tea, diet coke or wine and lets talk about this clutter. Yep, I said it! Clutter, you know the mess in your car, on your desk, your house? I don’t know about you but when I have too much clutter it is hard for me to focus and be productive. Same is true about our minds. While we will get into all those other areas another day, we are going to focus on our mind first. It is important to declutter that as well. How does that saying go? “My mind is like my web browser, 24 tabs open 3 frozen, and I have no idea where the music is coming from.” Most of the time I have so much going on in there I can’t think straight. So how do we declutter it?

First, I have found personally and with my students is to do a “Brain dump“. I know what you are thinking, but yes, trust me, this works!! Grab a piece of paper and just start writing any and everything that comes to mind. In class, I set a timer 1-2 minutes and tell the students to just write. This is anything from how you are feeling to your to do list or groceries you need to grab. Trust the process!! Once you get it all out on paper then you can begin to organize it. I use my planner for daily things i need to get done, a note pad on my phone for groceries and set reminders for other things. I also even have a notes page in my phone for all those links or items that I want to research aka shop for later online. Once I have cleared up some mind space and have written these things down, I do not have to continue to think and worry about them. I do this all the time. By doing this it has caused me less stress and anxiety.

Journaling is another way of declutter. I began to do this every morning or sometimes when i just have a lot on my mind. Morning time, I begin by writing five things i am thankful for. Yes, coffee is on the list most days. But then I just put my thoughts and feelings on paper. As I do this, I begin to feel a weight lifted off of me. Try it! Even if you have to tear it up later. It is okay- get those thoughts and feelings out. I would like to take a moment to elaborate on coffee being on that list most days. I have found that it isn’t really the coffee, but it is the time i have sat aside for that first cup of coffee. Those quite moments before the day begins, sipping that coffee while reading my devotion ,sitting quietly embracing the sounds of nature on my porch, or enjoying the view of the water. It really is the time that i have come to dedicate to that first cup of coffee. For you it may be hot tea, or whatever your favorite drink of choice its.

Alone time! Wow this one was hard for me and tricky. As I have gotten older and become an empty nester, alone time is something that I have come to enjoy. Walks on the beach or just sitting and watching the water dance. Or maybe it is just sitting in my comfy chair with my comfy clothes on – no phone, TV- nothing! As it says in Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.” Here is the tricky part- do not allow yourself to use this time to overthink!

Other things that I find help is MAKING myself do something I enjoy daily-yes even if it means allowing myself 30 extra minutes a day. I promise you will not miss that 30 minutes of sleep! What is something you enjoy? Crafting, reading, working out, puzzling, podcast, gaming, sitcoms? Whatever it is, allow yourself that 30 minutes to get wrapped up in mindless pleasure, unwind let go. You will be surprised at how much clearer your mind is and more productive you are!

While we can not live in todays world without technology, we can set limitations for ourselves. Now, get busy decluttering that mind! Look forward to hearing what works for you or leave a comment to share other suggestions you have found that help you.

Until next time, remember “Whatever is on your mind is in God’s hands”