Tag: mental-health

you go first!

How to Make Yourself Happy: Choosing to Put Yourself First

For a long time, I thought that happiness was something I had to earn—something that came after checking off a long list of responsibilities, making sure everyone else was okay, and leaving myself for last. Sound familiar? If you’re a natural giver, caretaker, or just someone who’s used to putting others first, this might resonate with you.

But here’s the truth I had to learn the hard way: You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you keep showing up for everyone but yourself, eventually, you’ll burn out—and the happiness you’re chasing will feel further away than ever.

So how do you make yourself happy? It starts with one powerful decision: putting yourself first.

1. Recognize That You Deserve to Be a Priority

This isn’t about being selfish. It’s about self-respect. You deserve rest. You deserve joy. You deserve time to do the things that light you up. If you keep waiting for permission, you’ll never get it. Give it to yourself.

Ask: What would my life look like if I treated my needs as valid?

2. Learn to Say No (Without Guilt)

Saying no is one of the kindest things you can do—for yourself and for others. It means you’re honoring your energy and your limits. The guilt will come at first, but over time, you’ll realize how freeing it is to stop overextending yourself.

Start small. Say no to something minor today. Let it be uncomfortable. Then remind yourself: I am allowed to protect my peace.

3. Make Time for What Fills You Up

Happiness often lives in the small things: a slow morning, a walk in the sun, laughing with a friend, creating something just for fun. The trick is making time for these things, not just hoping they’ll happen.

Try scheduling “joy time” the way you would any other appointment. Put it on your calendar—and keep that promise to yourself.

4. Speak to Yourself Like Someone You Love

We are often our own harshest critics. But what if, instead, you became your biggest cheerleader? Practice speaking to yourself with kindness, encouragement, and patience. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present.

Affirm to yourself: I am worthy of love and happiness, just as I am.

5. Surround Yourself with What (and Who) Feels Good

Protect your space. That includes the people you allow in it. Notice how you feel after spending time with someone—do you feel lighter or drained? Energy doesn’t lie. Surround yourself with people who support your growth and reflect the love you’re learning to give yourself.

Decluttering your environment (physically and emotionally) creates space for peace and happiness to settle in.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Selfish—You’re Self-Aware

Choosing to put yourself first is not a betrayal of others; it’s a commitment to your own well-being. And the beautiful part? When you are full—of joy, energy, peace—you have so much more to give. But this time, it’s not from a place of obligation. It’s from overflow.

So go ahead. Take up space. Say yes to yourself. Make happiness a habit—not a destination.

You deserve to be happy, not just helpful.

Be You!

From a young age, we are influenced by the expectations of family, teachers, peers, and society. We are gently (or not so gently) taught how to behave, what to believe, and even who we should become. While some of this guidance helps us navigate the world, it can also push us away from our true selves.

Many of us, at some point, have put on a mask—whether to fit in, avoid criticism, or meet someone else’s standards. But living for external validation comes at a cost. It can create anxiety, dissatisfaction, and even a sense of emptiness. True fulfillment comes when we step into our own identity, unapologetically embracing who we are.

What holds us back from being ourselves?

Fear of Rejection or Judgment

One of the biggest reasons people hide their true selves is the fear of not being accepted. Whether it’s the opinions of family, friends, colleagues, or even strangers on social media, we often worry about what others think.

Who are you?

Recently I was asked this question. At first I began to think about my titles. But that wasn’t what they were asking for. Stop and think for a minute and ask yourself; What are my values and beliefs, interest and passions, personality, relationships, purpose and meaning, and sense of self ( self-image)? Honestly this was a hard task! I had a longer list of what I was not than what i was. Also, I kept thinking of what I use to be. Why was that? My problem was like many of you, I was and had become afraid to be myself. You nor I should never apologize for who we are! We fear people will not like us, respect us, or value us if we do not “fit in”. While i was pondering on this, all i could think about was the many times I have reminded my daughter to be herself! God placed each of us on this earth with special qualities. He did not want us to all be the same. We should not envy others, compare ourselves, or conform to what others want us to be. But the reality is, not everyone will like or understand us—and that’s okay. The people who matter will accept us as we are.

Stop trying to fit in!

Being yourself isn’t always easy, but it is one of the most powerful acts of self-love and courage.

Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Remember “Be yourself, everyone else is taken”

Balance and Boundaries…

Balance and boundaries — two words we hear so often, yet they can feel so hard to achieve. In today’s fast-paced world, achieving balance and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential for overall well-being. Whether in our personal lives, work environments, or social interactions, finding that sweet spot between being available and protecting our own well-being is a constant process. But how do we find that balance, and how do we set boundaries that protect our mental, emotional, and physical health? I know this struggle well, and maybe you do too.

When Balance Slipped Away

As many of you may know I always choose a word at the beginning of the year. That is the word that I focus on throughout the year. A few years ago, something happened in the middle of the year that lead me to really stopping and analyzing myself and life. That is when these two words came to mind. I realized in the middle of a life storm, I had to make changes and these two words were going to be my focus.

Creating Balance Through Boundaries

When I began evaluating every area of my life, I found myself overwhelmed. I was making everyone happy but myself! When we spread ourselves too thin—whether by overcommitting to work, social obligations, or personal responsibilities—burnout becomes inevitable. On the other hand, neglecting important areas of life can lead to dissatisfaction and a sense of unfulfillment. Striving for balance allows us to allocate time and energy to all aspects of our lives in a way that nurtures both productivity and inner peace.

Achieving balance means assessing our priorities and making conscious choices about where we invest our time and energy. This could mean setting aside moments for relaxation, pursuing hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or ensuring that work doesn’t consume our entire day. Without balance, we risk falling into cycles of stress and exhaustion that can negatively impact both our personal and professional lives.

I remember sitting in a room late one night or rather early one morning tears streaming down my face not understanding how I had got to this point. Along with the other things that were happening. It was then and there that I knew I needed balance, and that started with boundaries.

What Are Boundaries, Really?

Boundaries are the limits we set to protect our time, energy, and emotional health. They help us show up more fully and intentionally in our relationships and responsibilities without losing ourselves in the process.

What areas of your life feel off-balance? Where do you feel resentment or exhaustion? That’s a signal a boundary may be needed. It is about saying yes to things that I use to say no to and saying no to somethings that I use to say yes to. Okay I know that sounds confusing but stop and think about it. We don’t have to be harsh when we say no. For me, a lot of times when I said yes, I was really not able to fully commit like I should because I was trying to give and do in so many places. Stop, slow down and focus for a minute. What are your top priorities in life? We don’t have to be “on call” all the time! Protecting yourself from toxic relationships or draining interactions is vital. Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and contribute positively to your life. It is okay to say no to some things and yes to those things and people that bring us joy. Let go of unnecessary obligations that drain you. Begin scheduling time in your week for some of the things that bring you joy; reading a book for 30 min a day or even just 15 min a day, get out those paint brushes, take a walk, wake up 30 minutes earlier for some me time, take a class in something you have always wanted to do, start marking things off your bucket list, schedule a date with a friend- and keep it!!! A balanced life starts with taking care of you!

When you start setting boundaries, something magical happens: your relationships deepen, your stress lessens, and you show up more fully in every area of life. It takes practice and patience, but the peace it brings is worth it. Finding balance and setting boundaries is an ongoing process. It requires self-awareness, intentional action, and the courage to protect your peace. When you establish clear boundaries and strive for balance in your daily life, you cultivate a sense of fulfillment, reduce stress, and create space for personal growth and happiness.

Final Thoughts

Remember, balance isn’t about perfection—it’s about making choices that align with your well-being. Prioritize yourself, set your boundaries, and embrace a life where you thrive, not just survive.

What boundaries have you set in your life? Where do you struggle with balance? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Life in the Fast Lane….

Do you ever think about your life? Like seriously think about it? I use to be the girl that on Monday was wishing it was already Friday! I still do sometimes, I was always rushing around, trying to see how much I could cram into a day (okay so maybe I still do) BUT even though I may still be and do all those things- something changed!! It was so bad, I could not even sit down to watch a movie because I felt like I was wasting time. Every minute of every day needed to be consumed in doing something productive.

So many of us are trying to make sure that our children have it better than we did by allowing them to participate in sports, cheer, dance, and signing them up for summer camps. Taking them on all these adventures. While I am not saying this is a bad thing, I do think we are overwhelming them sometimes just as much as we are ourselves. They too need down time. Time to be children just like we need time to be an adult.

As a mother, I remember when Taylor graduated from High School and how i felt- completely lost. I had everything scheduled out- and I mean everything!! From what days we had practice, game days- if they were home or away and depending on the day of the week I knew exactly which restaurant I was ordering our dinner or if we could eat at home. My phone contacts were full of restaurants numbers and I knew the specials depending on the day. While she was in whichever activity practicing I would not sit and wait like some of the other moms. I was either in my car grading assignments, preparing for lecture the next day or you would find me in the grocery store or Walmart. I was literally trying to multitask all the time!!

Today, I still struggle with some of the same things, how can I get one more task done in this 30 min. before I have to be somewhere else? Sitting in a zoom meeting, I am thinking about what I need to do when I get off, or maybe checking my emails while the meeting is going on. Come on, we all know we do this. Instead, I have began to just focus on the meeting, how can I engage more, contribute more. EMBRACE what is in front of you! Not only what you can get out of it but also, what you can contribute.

Instead of focusing on the next moment or the next thing I needed to do- I now try to EMBRACE each moment! Enjoy the week! I look back on my life and realize I was not enjoying the moments that God had given me and boy did I miss out! So as the weekend is coming to an end, I challenge you to slow down and enjoy each moment no matter what you are doing! EMBRACE the time with the ones around you, soak up all that is happening, engage with those around you!! Love life to its fullest and not wishing it away! Monday can be just as amazing as a Friday- mindset and perspective.

Until next time remember, “Life is short. Time is fast. No replay, No rewind. So enjoy every moment as it comes.“